Where do I even begin? I feel like I’ve been lying to you—I haven’t REALLY been lying to you.. I just feel like I have.
Once upon a time there was this girl… let’s call her… Amanda….
She used to have this.. for lack of a better word… crush on this guy… (let’s call him… Chris..). But ever ounce and fiber of her being protested these feelings.. She used to speak so highly against any of her friends even remotely liking this guy. She felt that this guy was band news and every time she got near him she felt she had to put her heart on lockdown and “danger alert” sirens went out.
But somehow this guys penetrated her iron bars and someone was able to silence the blaring alarms going off.
This guy would lead her on.. and finally Amanda stopped fighting the alarm and she was fairly at ease..
And then randomly this guy started flat-out ignoring her.. And Amanda was very confused.
Amanda’s heart was just in a heaping mess, she started berating herself. She constantly went over in her mind the fact that she saw this coming and that she tried to prevent such thing occurring. She tried to warn herself that this guy was good about putting on the charm. And she even saw him flirting with other girls.. She was just massively confused and frustrated.
So she convinced herself that he was overrated and that surely God had someone far better planned for her. And she stopped caring about what this guy thought of her, or what girls this guy was flirting with.
Untill the guy started flirting with one of her best friends. At first the red alerts sounded again. She thought to herself that it was all up to her to protect her friend from falling in the same exact trap she had. But then the two just looked so cute together, and he seemed to of changed. He seemed to of genuinely cared about her and they had actually done stuff together. So she stepped back and didn’t say anything to her best friend and decided to just let it pan out and offer to be there in whatever circumstance.
When her best friend was expressing her confusion towards this guy showing attention elsewhere and Amanda said she understood completely her feelings. She wasn’t lying.
And when her friend also expressed her confusion and frustration towards someone she used to like who decided to ignore her and then when the person decided they didn’t care the other person started paying attention again.
I also understand.
This isn’t to say that Amanda still has strong and passionate feelings towards the guy. Amanda is mostly confused and every Wednesday seems to be an immense struggle and fight of emotions.
This isn’t also to say that Amanda’s friend should feel bad about liking “Psychotic people.” Because Amanda COMPLETELY understands and couldn’t be happier for her friend if they were to be with each other and be happy.
Because ultimately Amanda just wants her friend to be happy and she’ll just figure things out on the fly.
So enough of this third person… I’m just really confused and frustrated with the whole situation. And yes, at one point I did like this person in that respect but now I’m just REALLY confused.. And if you like him.. all I can say is go for it.
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That was me letting out my frustration and emotion J
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